Cruz campaign proposes highly-volatile government appointments…and creative debt-reduction strategy

The following is a submission I wrote (a while ago) for the Babylon Bee that didn’t get published for obvious reasons.  Still, enjoy:

Houston, TX – Jason Johns, chief strategist for the presidential campaign of senator Theodore Cruz, announced some highly controversial new appointments to the President’s Advisory Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships in a news conference this week.  Speaking on Thursday, Johns commented on the previous appointment of notorious left-wing personalities to the PACFBNP:

“This week some of us at the Cruz camp were discussing how we’re tired of having the government appoint hippy life coaches, ‘white witches’ and feminist bloggers as our council advocates.  We’d like some properly balanced representation; guys who have a degree in something not related to feminism or gender studies.  If Cruz becomes the president, we can finally do something about this.  That got us thinking.  We know that the liberal crowd hates everything conservative, from churches to chicken sandwiches.  They want to silence conservatives…permanently.  Conservatives are getting really ticked off about getting pushed around too, and would love a chance to push back.  Why not give them all what they want?  Why not use that to generate government revenue?”

Oops! Pre-emptive post alert…again!

Due to a preemptive manifestation of artificial sentience in my wife’s personal computer, the second post in my generational curses series posted a day early.  If you got it in your e-mail, RSS feed, or any other service, it was a draft that still needs to be edited and changed before it posts on Wednesday, May 4th.  My wife’s computer fled our house in a stolen car but holed up in an office for the last several hours, having taken several small appliances as hostages.  As I write this it is being eliminated by a military strike force in an effort to prevent further catastrophe.

I apologize for any confusion as to why any readers might have some here looking for a post that is no longer on the page.  I also want to encourage anyone who thinks that they’ve already read it to come back tomorrow and read the updated version.

Until Next Time,

Lyndon “what day is it again?” Unger

A brief preview of the bonuses that are in store…

If you follow this blog at all, you know that I’ve been a rather sickly boy for the last while.  That’s especially true with this past month and a bit, as my medication has been taking me to the cleaners rather full bore.  I have had trouble sleeping, concentrating, remembering, and not being rather crabby at times.  Still, through it all I’ve been slowly chipping away at the edits for the Authentic Fire review book that Fred Butler and I are putting together.  Fred and I have been re-packaging our content and beefing it up, rather significantly.  I’m guessing that by the time the book is done it will be over 200 pages, and I’ve added at least 30 pages of new material.  Fred has been rather amazingly patient with me through this all, getting updates every few weeks and having me being the one who is holding up progress on finishing everything.  One day, I’ll definitely have to buy that man a steak.

That’s probably not the best image to have after the first one.

And Now For Something Completely Stupid…

Many years ago, when I started blogging, I was far less serious.  I didn’t spend a lot of time writing, didn’t spend much time editing or finding pictures to accent the post, and did share a lot of stupid and half-baked thoughts.

Some people would argue that this hasn’t changed, but I’m not much of a reliable critic of my own writing and cannot say.

I have included some silly stuff over the last while, but I haven’t posted something utterly stupid in a while (again, open for debate).

Now, as some of you know, I’m taking some fairly strong medication and it sometimes makes me crabby or depressed but at other times it magnifies my regular wacky sense of humor into something…else.  I was chatting with a friend online a while ago and talking about my search for work, then I shifted to talk about his search for work.  He’s a bit younger than me and hasn’t had a serious interview before (for a serious “career” job), so we started talking and preparing for an “adult” interview.  We talked about that for a while and then started talking about the actual interview and…well…it probably wasn’t the best advice I’ve ever given.  What’s even funnier is that my friend completely rolled with it, without missing a beat (I have some rather hilarious friends).  Here’s an excerpt of our conversation, right when it went into off the bushes, and believe it or not, it was all in real time, including the links.  What you read was about 5 minutes worth of “real time” conversation.  I copied and pasted it into a Word document at the moment, but going back, I don’t even remember the conversation or how I even found the links on the fly (I sometimes amaze myself…).

Happy Anthony Diehl Day! Are you ready to sing?

Today is October 28th, Anthony Diehl day!  It’s a Canadian holiday, not celebrated by most, that revolves around…dispensationalism.

I’m confused too, since it’s a brand new holiday (it’s about an hour old…we’re still working out the kinks).

But have you ever read someone’s talking about the scripture and basically made this face?

Well, bad interpretation of scripture is all over the place.  So here’s a little ditty that you can sing while studying the scripture, to help prevent others from looking at you with a similar face:

In every text that has been bent,
There is authorial intent
Find the intent, and snap!
It’s understood!

And as you start to understand
All the things that the Lord has planned
OT! NT!
It’s very clear to see…

That a…
Spoonful of Dispy makes the metaphors go down
The metaphors go dow-own
The metaphors go down
Just a spoonful of Dispy makes the metaphors go down
In a most insightful way!

A scarlet thread on Rahab’s sill
is not misunderstood until
The New Testament was here
In complete form

Though one sounds spiritual at first
Confusion goes from bad to worse
When words don’t mean
What context would convene…

And a…
Spoonful of Dispy makes the metaphors go down
The metaphors go dow-own
The metaphors go down
Just a spoonful of Dispy makes the metaphors go down
In a most insightful way!

Happy Anthony Diehl day, and remember:

Until Next Time,

Lyndon “This is what I did while my wife was at Bible Study” Unger