And Now For Something Completely Stupid…

John-Cleese-does-a-silly-walk.

Many years ago, when I started blogging, I was far less serious.  I didn’t spend a lot of time writing, didn’t spend much time editing or finding pictures to accent the post, and did share a lot of stupid and half-baked thoughts.

Some people would argue that this hasn’t changed, but I’m not much of a reliable critic of my own writing and cannot say.

I have included some silly stuff over the last while, but I haven’t posted something utterly stupid in a while (again, open for debate).

Now, as some of you know, I’m taking some fairly strong medication and it sometimes makes me crabby or depressed but at other times it magnifies my regular wacky sense of humor into something…else.  I was chatting with a friend online a while ago and talking about my search for work, then I shifted to talk about his search for work.  He’s a bit younger than me and hasn’t had a serious interview before (for a serious “career” job), so we started talking and preparing for an “adult” interview.  We talked about that for a while and then started talking about the actual interview and…well…it probably wasn’t the best advice I’ve ever given.  What’s even funnier is that my friend completely rolled with it, without missing a beat (I have some rather hilarious friends).  Here’s an excerpt of our conversation, right when it went into off the bushes, and believe it or not, it was all in real time, including the links.  What you read was about 5 minutes worth of “real time” conversation.  I copied and pasted it into a Word document at the moment, but going back, I don’t even remember the conversation or how I even found the links on the fly (I sometimes amaze myself…).

Me: and then on the day of your actual interview, you wear a frilly blouse top like a guy from the 1700’s.

Friend: yessss.

Friend: They’ll just have to hire me at that point.

Me: Blouse

Me: Walk into your interview like that.

Friend: perfect.

Friend: they’ll see my style and think “Wow, this guy is snazzy”.

Me: bring a picnic basket and offer your interviewer some wine and cheese.

Friend: should I wear a beret when serving wine and cheese.

Me: Totally.

Me: But talk with a Russian accent.

Friend: Just to keep them on their toes, yes.

Friend: I’ll slip some Japanese words into my speech, too.

Friend: To show them how knowledgeable I am.

Me: Yeah, perfect!   When the interview is done, give them a parting gift.

Me: Accordion

Friend: Is that a chocolate accordion?

Me: yeah.

Me: that’s CLASS!

Friend: That’s beautiful!

Me: They’d hire you just do see what you would do next.

Me: but it would certainly be the most memorable interview EVER.

Friend: This is the best ‘getting hired’ strategy ever.!

Friend: ever ever ever!!!

Me: Frilly blouse + picnic basket + Russian accent + chocolate accordions = instant hire!

Friend: Good, all according to plan.

Me: All accordioning to plan.

Friend: hahaha

Friend: Should I keep the blouse throughout the job– maybe change the color of it every so often?

Me: And then on your first day, hand out custom license plate frames to everyone.

Me: License Plate

Friend: wow

Friend: yes

Me: Blouse changes involve stripping, which is a faux pas in an interview…

Friend: I approve of this so much.

Friend: That is true.

Me: …But “honk if you love Garlic” plate frames are the perfect gift for the recent “most weird guy ever” hire.

Me: And if you want to change the blouse, you need to have on a shirt underneath for modesty sake.

Friend: What should the shirt say on it?

Me: just to add a layer…

Me: …and advertise a message

Me: Soul

Me: And then ask your interviewer “do I smell something burning?” as you take off your blouse and change it to a different color.

Me: And look around, sniffing the air like you smell something.  Then take a sip of wine and gaze off into the distance.  Then mutter something in Japanese with a Russian accent.

Friend: hahaha

And after that all, I realized that the conversation had gone off into the realm of the crazy and was no longer really profitable.  I wished him a good night, told him I had to go to bed, and logged off.

Until Next Time,

Lyndon “What was I thinking?  No wait.  Was I thinking?” Unger

P.S. – Don’t ever do that in an interview.  Just saying.

P.P.S. – This isn’t a serious post (obviously), but I’ve had it in my draft folder for a while and wanted to toss something up to keep this blog slightly alive.  If not stimulating thought, I hope my drug-induced craziness at least entertains for a moment.

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9 thoughts on “And Now For Something Completely Stupid…

  1. I followed your techniques to a fare-thee-well with great success! Thanks to your prescient advice I have a solid position where I am embarrassingly overpaid yet wretchedly underworked. Using your methods fully highlights my natural talents of being both fat and lazy to prospective employers. I am now a perfect technician happily pretending to be toiling away inside a venue not unlike a Borg like cube farm; leaving me devoid of any sense of accomplishment or satisfaction in the very little work I do actually perform. It is so refreshing to work at a job where folks that have been there for decades are as clueless as to what to do next as any newbie. Keep up the flow of great advice for marketing one’s job skills.

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