Before my wife and I had kids, we loved going to the gym. We loved working out, getting geek and just spending time together pounding the weights…but having two kids put that whole activity on hiatus for a while. Today that stopped as we went gym shopping, and I hate gym shopping. Gyms never let you go check stuff out. Oh no. You have to get the tour and have a young, single personal trainer subtly insult you for 30 minutes where they attempt to make you feel fat and out of shape.
I know I’m out of shape. The fact that I don’t exercise and have a doughnut in my hand kinda suggests that.
But what’s worse is the fancy gyms where you get the package. We went to a big, fancy gym where we got a bunch of paperwork for us to check off every intimate detail of our diet, daily schedule, etc. (just to rub in our faces that we don’t exercise enough), a low pressure sales pitch for using the personal trainers (which we repeatedly specified that we weren’t interested in), and a copy of the book that was self-published by the guy who founded the gym and is apparently a fitness expert who says things that are simply rationally incoherent. Here’s an example:
1. Most people don’t think they look good because they have wrongly “bought into cultural ideas of ‘feminine beauty’ and ‘manliness’…”
2. We need to stop thinking about beauty the way culture defines it.
3. “Looking good involves two distinct components. One is feeling good about yourself just for participating in physical activity, feeling good about every improvement you make, as opposed to thinking you will only look good when you’re perfect…The second aspect of looking good is when people say to you ‘You look good’.”
Stop and think about that for a second.
The reason why people don’t think they look good is due to the cultural ideas that they’ve wrongly adopted. The way to get past those cultural standards is to start feeling good about yourself for trying and…rely on compliments about your body from other people who…most likely…are drowning in the cultural ideas that you’re trying to escape.
Can you say “rational faceplant”?
While I listening to the sales pitch, the trainer mentioned something I hadn’t heard of. Dr. Mehmet Oz and his “real age test” (which the gym apparently does). I do not follow anything that Dr. Oz does; I have enough trouble keeping up with the quackery and silliness within my own church circles to worry about the tsunami of idiocy in all the various health circles. Still, seeing that I hadn’t heard of it before, I thought I’d at least look it up. Watch the following video and have your bolonga detector set for “minimum sensitivity” I guarantee that it will still redline:
Now listen around the 0:35 mark. He says “eating six walnuts as a snack makes you 2/10 of a year younger”.
Well, he’s apparently talking about your real age, not your chronological age. Apparently you can be 50 years old chronologically but really be 17…or something.
Now keep listening at around the 0:54 where Dr. Oz says “But just before we started the show…breaking news…there was a major study that came out that showed a 20% reduction in dying if, if you can actually incorporate nuts into your diet.”
Think about that for a second.
A nameless study where 20% of the people in the study were supposed to die but didn’t because they started eating nuts?
Uh, that’s nuts.
No, that’s worse that nuts. That’s barking mad.
How in the world did the people performing the study establish the 20% reduction in dying? What kind of idiotic person references a study like that?
So apparently Dr. Oz has figured out how to extend life by diet, or getting up out of a chair, or whatever. He has a whole series of intricate formulas worked out where, if you follow his advice, you’ll somehow what? Outlive your chronological age?
On the basis of that one video, I’d suggest that Dr. Oz is one step worse than the prosperity gospel; he is a modern self-employed Johann Tetzel, a guy who plays off people’s fear of death and sells them the cure that he himself profits off. What a traitor to medicine…but what does he care? He’s making money hand over fist.
I’d like to point out two things:
1. If you are buying into any of the contemporary health crazes, Jesus came and died on the cross so “through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.” (Heb. 2:14-15).
Dr. Oz, and every other health guru, can only play on your fear of death to manipulate you, but only Christ can offer solutions. All anyone else offers is snake oil when it comes to death.
2. “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Ps. 139:16) and “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” (Matt. 6:25-27).
Dr. Oz, and every other health guru, can not make your life one microsecond longer than it’s supposed to be. Your days were numbered before your were even born and God overturns the plans of those who think they can overrule his plans. Dr. Oz and all his talk about real age vs. chronological age is simply a bunch of irrational jabber/calculated deceit.
If and when I return to the gym that gave us the book, I’m already planning what I’m going to say to the sales associate. Something along the lines of “well, the best way to reach my fitness goals would involve my own death, but I don’t want to leave my wife and kids. How about I just eat decent and work out and not get anxious about all the things that are God’s responsibility?”
It might be more witty than that. I’m tired and winging it.
Pounded out a blog post in 1 hour. Fastest blog post ever! Hooray!
Until Next Time,
Lyndon “Can’t wait for the new model of this old jalopy” Unger
P.S. – “Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality.” (1 Cor. 5:51-54)