My new mini-book announcement!

I don’t talk about this much with anyone, and I’ve never blogged about it, but in the light of the upcoming movie Heaven Is For Real, I thought I’d share my story about my trip to Heaven and cash in on this current Hollywood fascination.

I’ve decided to write a book about my experiences, and share my story with the world.

Book

It’s not a flashy story, and it’s not a long story, but it’s my story.

I don’t want to give away all the details, but I’ll give you all, my precious readers, a brief overview of my story:

It occurred when I was in tenth grade and I had jaw surgery.  One thing led to another (I’ll save all the details for the book), and I found myself floating above my body in the morning when the sun was barely coming up, the day after my surgery.  I didn’t know what had happened.  I didn’t know what was going on.  All of a sudden, I was jerked up by an invisible force, and passed through multiple floors of the hospital, the roof,  the sky, and then up into space.  I accelerated to an unknown speed (but the earth disappeared in almost a blink), and a moment later there was a flash of light so bright that I shut my eyes as tight as I could and covered my face with my hands.

The light was bright that I couldn’t dare remove my hands from my face.  I was standing on something, and it was soft (like grass) but smelled lightly like cinnamon.  In fact, I smelled something else: fresh bread.  I don’t have a clue why, or where it was coming from, but there was the light smell of cinnamon and fresh bread all around (I heard some things and smelled one other thing, but I’ll save those details for the book).  The blinding light was still shining right through my hands and I couldn’t get away from it since when I turned, it was all around.  I tried to speak but couldn’t move my lips and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, as if the light was instantaneously drying out my mouth when I opened it.  I couldn’t see who was there, or if anyone was there.  I couldn’t look anywhere, since there was absolutely retina-melting light coming from all around.  At that moment, I caught myself and thought “Am I in…” but that thought was cut short by my knees giving out and myself falling forward on my face.  All my strength was gone, and I couldn’t move.

Then the voice spoke.

I shouldn’t say “spoke” as much as…well…erupted.  It was like the sound of an avalanche…

avalanche-teaser

…but making words.

There’s absolutely no way to explain it.

There was just an overwhelming sense of power in the voice.  When it spoke, all my hairs on my arms and legs vibrated and stood up (though I could not).  My bones tingled.  My body seemed to get slightly lighter.

It was absolutely surreal.

It was absolutely like nothing I had ever experienced.

It spoke these words:

John Came And He Returned.

You Came And Will Return.

None Will Come Until I Return.

They Have The Law And The Prophets.

They Must Listen To Them.

 

And then, as fast as I came, I was gone.

The light was gone, and I was blasting through space again, back to the earth, back through the ceiling, and back into my body.  I awoke immediately, and tried to talk but I couldn’t.  My tongue was still dried out and I drank some water beside my bed, but it didn’t work (I’ll save all the “after” details for the book).  A bunch of amazing coincidences happened (which will be in the book) and, for some reason, I wasn’t able to recall or record my experiences for the next 20 years.  I remembered the experience in general, but when I tried to write down the details the entire memory disappeared, as if it was ripped from my mind.

writers-block

Finally, this past year, exactly 20 years later, I wrote down the first draft of my book.  Finally, it seemed like the Lord decided that it was time to make my story known.  It won’t be a popular story, but I cannot but tell what I experienced and heard.

All other stories about a trip to Heaven are frauds.  I don’t know why, but I know that they are because God told me so.

The world is being deceived by hundreds, if not thousands, of total frauds who are making filthy lucre off the lies sold to trusting believers.  I don’t want a cent, hence my book will be a free e-book.  I also won’t take a penny for speaking engagements, and any money given to me will be immediately donated away.

I just want the truth to get out.

Todd Burpo, Katt Kerr, Don Piper, Sigmund Richard, Dale Black, Dennis Prince, Lawrence Tooley, Mary Jo Pennington, Brian Simmons, John W. Price, Mary Baxter, Sid Roth, Trudy Harris, Crystal McVea, Eben Alexander, Kevin Malarkey, , Jesse Duplantis, David Taylor, and all the others are all lying about going to Heaven.

God told me so, in no uncertain terms.  I’m guessing that he wants you to know as well.

Humbly yours in service to Christ,

Lyndon Unger

******

Now, some people will find this blog and want a copy of my book.  Sad news: the above post was simply a bit of a playful thought-experiment.  In reality, I have not been to heaven.

That being said, if I claimed that it was true, how would anyone evaluate my experience?

What if someone comes along and says “all the others were frauds because God told me so?”

What would you do?

How does any Charismatic react when they claim a word from the Lord and a second person comes along and claims that the Lord tells them that the “word” to the first is false?

RCMP-Musical-Ride-P7-

Beyond that Ukrainian firing squad, why has nobody come along and warned us that any of them are frauds?

Just some thoughts regarding the whole “trip to Heaven” stuff that’s popular right now.  Feel free to interact and give my your ideas.

Until Next Time,

Lyndon “I didn’t go to Heaven but Heaven sent something down for me” Unger

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16 thoughts on “My new mini-book announcement!

    • I’m glad to have entertained you Karli! Are you the Karli that was unhappy with me a little while ago? If so, I hope we can still enjoy silliness together…and possibly talk seriously one day.

      • Yep.

        you may want to correct some errors (NO! Not you!)

        “I though I’d share my story” thought?

        Are you Irish? “shining right through me hands”

        “details the entire memory disappear”? disappeared?

  1. Wow, you totally freaked me out!! I’ve only been following you for about a month; someone had linked to one of your posts on Facebook, and I really enjoyed it, so I signed up to receive your new posts. I started reading this today and thought, “Oh no! Not another one!! Another good resource down the tubes!!” Glad you were only yanking our chains… 😀

  2. “Now, some people will find this blog and want a copy of my book. Sad news: the above post was simply a bit of a playful thought-experiment. In reality, I have not been to heaven.”
    Well I have. After I hung myself when I saw that your story was made up. God let me come back to tell everybody you’re lyin too!!!

  3. You had me going there for a moment. I need to be more careful with what I read from you…One of the best analogies I’ve heard about the charismatic movement is that “it’s like Pro-wrestling, everybody knows it’s fake but everyone plays along/nobody want’s to say anything.” I couldn’t believe people who I truly respected (pastors and teachers) would just accept the claims of anyone who claimed to hear the voice of God. This was my experience during my 4 and a half years in the charismatic movement. The last straw for me when I walked out the church we attended was when we had a guest pastor giving a PowerPoint presentation on two Sunday services titled “Hell is for Real and Heaven is for Real.” As proof that heaven and hell are real, this pastor cited all of those authors you mentioned at the end of your article along with other urban legends such as the Russian Well to Hell story.

    What made me so outraged is that this presentation was presented at our main campus a few weeks before. The main pastor who I highly respected gave his blessing to have this same presentation delivered at the campus I attended. When I spoke to my pastor, he mentioned that he didn’t agree with all the points of the presentation and that some of it was probably not true but that overall it was a good presentation!

    Since leaving this church on Thursday February 14, 2013, we’ve been shunned by most of the leadership from this church. I guess they don’t believe my wife and I are saved and they believe that we’re a bad influence on their congregation.

    Which makes me wonder, why didn’t the leadership stop this presentation if some of the leadership had problems with this presentation? Why would they allow it to be shown twice at our church?

    • The Russian well to Hell? Oh man. I remember that…from like back when the internet was like 3 years old. There was an old GeoCities page with a RealAudio file on it of the tape recorder that the Russian miners lowered in.

      For some reason, the guy in Hell was screaming (in English) “I’m burning in Hell! I’m in total agony! Don’t come here!”

      That page got emailed to me like 10 times.

      It’s horrible to see pastors allowing such obvious wolves into their flock. Praise the Lord you got out of that.

  4. Hilarious! The cinnamon grass and fresh bread scented air had me laughing out loud (febreze should get on that fresh bread air freshener though)

    Thanks for the bit o’ jocularity! Always enjoyable!

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