…Oprah Winfrey is evil. My wife and I were out on an “adventure date” today, which involved (among other things) stopping off at a thirft shop that was having a 50% off sale. I got some good books and my wife got “wifely things” (i.e. cute things, fabric, baby clothes, books, a super cute plate for having tea, etc.). I also got the March 2002 issue of Oprah magazine because:
a. I’ve never read anything by Oprah
b. It was the “happy couples” issue and I was curious
c. It was $.20
So, it was far worse than I ever imagined. I honestly don’t know why I was expecting something other than complete foolishness from Oprah “I hate the gospel, the Bible, and Jesus Christ” Winfrey.
What did I learn in the “happy couples” issue?
– The reason why so many people get divorced is because they get married before age 30 (pg. 154).
– Having a happy relationship involves learning to “let go of the demand that someone else should make you happy” (pg. 154).
– Computer-based projection models indicate that blaming your spouse for the problems in your marriage hurts your relationship (pg. 155)
– When it comes to fighting, “you can tell people to fight fair, to be nice, to be compassionate in the middle of a fight, not to be defensive – but most peple can’t do it. You’re setting them up for failure.” (pg. 155)
– Listening to your spouse helps your marriage, and 83% of couples who listen to each other are happy (pg. 155)
– Snapping at your spouse with name-calling and insults hurts your relationship (pg. 156) [and some people need to go see a Tibetan monk to learn this…no kidding]
– Saying things like “I hate you” can really hurt your relationship (pg. 156)
– It’s important to learn that “69 percent of marital conflicts are not resolvable” and simply not try to solve every conflict (pg. 157)
-Physical violence points to a “terrible relationship” (pg. 157)
– Bitterness and resentment hurt your relationship (pg. 159)
– Bitterness and resentment can possibly be dealt with by enlisting the help of a mediator, an astrologer and a family therapist who ultimately tell you to take a holiday alone (pg. 159 & 206).
-Lesbian couples can give “marital” advice even though they admit that their average relationship lasts 2 years and their best advice is “having two phone lines is critical! And two bathrooms!” (pg. 164)
– If things don’t seem to work out, it’s probably best to get divorced (pg. 167)
– The purpose of marriage has changed in the last generation. “Marriage used to have three purposes: legitimate reproduction of the species, orderly transfer of property, and family survival. The purpose of marriage was not happiness, romance, intimacy, or personal fulfilment.” (pg. 167)
– “Love is a worldview and a set of beliefs” (pg. 208)
More or less every couple needs to learn to get along, have realistic (and low) expectations, listen when the other person is talking, not punch each other in the face, involve a myriad of psychiatric and spiritual “professionals” (and monks) in your relationship, afford yourself a whole lot of personal freedom to do whatever you want and don’t be afraid to throw in the towel.
Your marital advice sounds a lot like advice that we give to toddlers: “stop hitting each other” and “don’t call names”.
How about “husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…” (1 Peter 3:7)
How impossible do you think Oprah thinks that is?
Until Next Time,
Lyndon “I love the gospel, the Bible, and Jesus Christ” Unger